12 real couples reveal why they don't have sex anymore

Relationships change over the years. If you're one of the many couples who find themselves having a lot less sex than they did when they started dating, you're not alone. Sometimes, though, a couple's sex life gradually decreases until it becomes nonexistent. And unless both people are happy with that, it's inevitably going to lead to problems.

Couples may stop having sex for a variety of reasons, and the reasons can sometimes be uncomfortable to talk about with your partner. The quotes below are from Reddit users sharing why they and their partner no longer have sex, or have way less sex than they used to. All of their stories illuminate the importance of open communication between partners.

INSIDER cannot independently verify any of the stories, but they will give you something to think about. 

1. It started to feel like a chore.

"Oftentimes, I'll be playing a video game and I'll be really into it but there's a nagging thought in my head that I really need to do the dishes. I know that if I get up to do the dishes now that I won't have that thought anymore and I'll be able to relax and play my game. Sex is the dishes in this analogy." - Redditor aaadddhhhdddd

2. The romance had evaporated.

"[My] wife came in my office last night nude and said 'let's go have sex.' No foreplay, no seduction, no kissing, no romance.... I said I was feeling ill. Really, I am so uninterested at this point I don't ever want to have sex with her again." - Redditor livesomelife

3. Intimacy stopped existing outside the bedroom.

"Dear husband, I know you want to have sex more, and I guess I do too. But throughout the years you've forgotten that having sex is an all day affair. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that in order for both partners to feel the connection and desire there must be more attention paid to the relationship. You have no idea how much I want you to desire me all day long and show me. We are at the point where we kiss twice a day (once before we leave for work and once before bed). You don't hug me or touch me. You don't tell me I look beautiful or pretty. We tried implementing a 'kiss as soon as we both get home' thing but it lasted a week and then was never repeated. Those little touches and gestures would add up so quickly and they'd cost us nothing. I know you're not one for physical displays of affection, you won't even hold my hand in public, but I need the small physical things to want the bigger physical things." - Redditor throwmeawaycaptain87

4. Birth control had negative side effects.

"The relationship did start out sexually. We were very active in that sense. About eight months ago, my boyfriend and I decided oral birth control was a good idea and I have been taking it ever since. I did notice a change in my libido and our sex life slowed." - Redditor Alldur

5. They didn't share the same kinks.

"We've been dating for three years, and I found out a few months ago that he has this fetish. I will admit that it's strange and slightly off-putting from my POV. It's nothing that I can do to him or him do to me — it's the type of girls he likes (which means I would have to absolutely alter my appearance in order to please him)." - Redditor summer2019k

6. One person wanted sex more than the other.

"Her reason is that she thinks I want it too often and it is a complete turn off with me trying to have sex everyday. She said she was happy with our couple of times a week (I keep count and we average once every 27 days … !!). I told her we haven't had sex twice in the one week in years, of course she goes into LL (low libido) mode the second she knows I've been counting and turns it against me as if I'm a freak for doing so." - Redditor usa795

7. Marriage changed things.

"It's so hard to be the only one who wants to have sex. When we were dating he was so encouraging about being confident with my sexuality. He wanted me to feel comfortable to ask him when I wanted to try new things... I had never even been in to a sex shop until after we got together ... But he opened my eyes to how beautiful the sexual experience can be ... Now [that we're married] he's taken it away and I'm at such a loss." - Redditor ShMems

8. Insecurity made sex scary.

"I hate my body. He says he loves it but I find it disgusting. I actively avoid looking in mirrors anywhere but at my face and I don't like to be naked even when I'm alone, let alone when he can see. I am currently trying to exercise and eat better to make this problem better." - Redditor LapinDeLaNeige

9. Part of the couple is asexual.

"I am dating an asexual person and I am not asexual. It can be a bit confusing at times but there is so much more to a relationship than sex. I couldn't imagine losing such an amazing package of a girl just because we don't have sex." - Redditor Garr_Barr

10. Libidos changed as you get older.

"Now in our 40s she's getting more horny. She really does want to have more sex and more frequently, regularly. Sometimes she talks about it daily for a week straight. But I'm almost never into it. I make a lot of excuses and distract her with other things (like chores we have to do, or TV shows that I know she likes)." - Redditor nosex2014c

11. Sex stopped being a factor in the relationship.

"It's been two years! When I bring it up he is apologetic and promises to work on it, but he will NEVER bring it up himself. He's content to act like sex doesn't exist. I've forgotten what it is like to see him actually turned out. It has been years since he has looked at me with any kind of desire." - Redditor whatifbitch

12. Having kids ruined their sex life.

"Kids killed my sex life and relationship with my wife. When kids were born, my wife went into mother mode 24/7 and everything she did had something to do with kids — choosing a meal, restaurant, holiday, cinema, EVERYTHING was connected with kids. Whenever I wanted a small part of her attention she attacked me and said that I don't want to spend time with kids." - Redditor Nathaniel66

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