I was a closeted lesbian, and my partner was a closeted trans person. We came out together and are s

• Although I dated both men and women for years, I struggled with my sexuality. 
• When I met my partner, I knew something was different about them.
• My partner came out as trans, and then I came out as a lesbian. 

One day, hungover in the corner of my dorm, a friend asked me a daunting question: Would you ever date a woman? I broke down and cried with relief, realizing that I definitely would. But I didn't really know what that meant for my sexuality.

After some exploring, I came out as bisexual, but I avoided dating. I knew I no longer wanted to date men, but when I dated women, the feelings were too intense. I wasn't ready to face my past or dig deeper into my sexuality. I distracted myself with friends, partying, and working. I never gave myself enough time to introspect or understand my sexuality.

That's until I met my life partner — and we came out together.

When I moved back to my hometown to clear my head, I met someone special

I pushed questions about my sexuality to the back of my mind, and I met my partner, who then identified as a man. It felt like we were connected. Often, if I opened my phone to text them, they opened theirs at the exact same second.

I could tell there was something different about them. I wanted to get to know them, not necessarily date them. But they would light up when I would tell them stories of my life as a queer person in London. I knew they were different from any typical "man," but I couldn't figure out why.

Somehow I could tell they were holding onto a secret, and they could tell I had one, too. We joked about our hidden sides, but never dug deeper; neither of us was ready. What neither of us knew at the time was that we were both closeted. Our lives were so hectic, we didn't have time to think about it.

The pandemic forced us to finally face ourselves

Time inside gave us the space for deep introspection that made me question being a lesbian: Did I still feel that way? How could I ever explain myself to my partner?

The months that followed were filled with anxiety. I felt like I was keeping a secret from the person I loved the most. I tried to find the right words. I just wanted them to understand me. The fear of hurting or losing them was so overwhelming that I decided to say nothing and figure it out privately. I simply couldn't explain it; there were too many missing links. One day during the pandemic, my partner approached me after some introspection of their own. After thinking about it for a long time, my partner came out as transgender.

I felt so happy that they could share this with me, and I couldn't wait to learn how to love and support them in this new form.

This new understanding was a revelation, and everything clicked into place

After my partner came out, we learned how to access one another in new ways. We learned a new form of open communication. We got rid of our shame and lived openly. In this new, deeper space of love and understanding, I could explain my feelings and come out as a lesbian. My partner understood me immediately.

Now, six years later, we can't imagine the time before we truly knew each other. Through everything, our love and connection to one another have been so transcendent that even when we couldn't understand it, it was there, waiting for us to catch up.

Watch: Clea DuVall talks coming out and directing a lesbian rom-com

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